It's me. The only me.

2006-11-18T10:02:00.000-08:00

THE SPECIAL PERSONS IN MY LIFE && SOME SPECIAL MESSAGES FOR YOU

Cornelio Manzano- Hey, zup?

Hmm.. Cornelio.. A person who played a big part in my life.. Almost the whole.. I loved and still love him.. [Whatever?! Dignity? I don't have it anymore..] My 6th ex.. But my first love.. Sweetest guy i've ever met.. [Thanks for that]

**SPECIAL MESSAGE**

Hi Cor :) Howdy?

Grabe no? It's been a year and 3 months since we broke up, but it seems that i haven't move on from our past.. I love you so much.. And you know that.. I hope so.. Even though i know that i won't have somethong in return..

Thanks for being such a nice guy, thanks for passing by into my life.. Even if it wasn't that long enough.. Atleast somehow you made me feel special.. I hope someday, you would come back.. I still remember your promises.. I don't know if you're still gonna make it.. Am not expecting that much..

I'm trying to move on, but it seems that i can't.. Don't worry.. I wont bug your relationship with her.. I know how special she is to you.. I wish you also knew how you are to me.. Always remember that you're always welcome .. if ever that you wanted to come back.. :)

Sorry for not giving the all of me.. I wasn't matured and ready that time.. I thought you would wait.. I thought you won't leave.. But all of those never turned into reality..

I MISS YOU!!

BREN GLORDHEL PANGANIBAN- Uy naynayan ko.. Lab na lab ko to e.. She's always there for me.. She never left me hanging on the air.. So pretty, so darn rich.. so demn smart.. and woot woot.. SHOOT!! almost close to perfect!

**SPECIAL MESSAGE**

Uy.. Musta ka na? I effin mess you!! Kelan tau pwede mag kita? He he.. Super doooper miss na kita.. Wahehehe..

Anyways, thanks for being such a good friend.. Este.. the BEST friend pala.. Kulang pa e.. kelangan pa ng -est nun.. Sorry minsan kung maxado akong pasaway.. Specially when it comes to Cor.. Niyahahaha.. [Bat ko nga ba naisipan gumawa ng kalokohan na ganito.. malapet na ba ako mamatay? He he..] Thanks for correcting my mistakes.. Thanks for making me smile everytime my tears come the way.. Thank you for defendng me from stupid, dumb and idiot peoples! Wahehehe.. Loka.. Miss ko na kalokohan mo.. Este natin pala.. Grabe.. Para na din akong nawalan ng boyplen pag nawala ka...

Pag kelangan mo ako.. Text mo alng ako.. Ayt? I'll always be here for you.. PROMISE -Nov.19,2006-

I love you naynay.. Miss you so much..

Mwah...

JOSHUA REYES-My ex.? Another guy who loved me.. But i took for granted..[yeah ayt.. am sorry] such a sweet guy..

**SPECIAL MESSAGE**

Hey.. Yeah ayt.. Alam ko galit ka.. Hmm.. Sorry sa lahat.. I'm sorry for taking you for granted.. Ikaw din kasi e, u never had time for me..

It wasn't my fault at all Josh, see.. the time that i always had for you wasn't given to me back by you.. It was really unfair for both out parts... In my part, it was unfair because you always prioritize your friends first.. And in your part.. *sigh* i was the one who always gives up first..

We kept on trying to work the relationship out.. But we always end up into a miserable situation that both of us gets hurt.. I'm really sorry for being so unfair.. I'm really sorry..

I really wanted to talk to you personally.. But heck.. I know you wouldn't care anymore.. Someone already told me about the feelings you have for me.. Is it true? If it is, can we talk? I just want to clear things out...

And again, thanks and sorry..

ANGELICA YAMBAO-Bebe gel ko to e.. Tangap na tangap namin yung isa't isa.. He he, solido din pinag samahan namin nito e.. Promise..

**SPECIAL MESSAGE**

Bebe gel!!!!!! Miss na kita.. Uy.. Musta ka na? Demn.. Super duper miss na talaga kita.. Wahehehe... Uy thanks sa lahat ha? Thanks for always being there for me.. Ikaw pa lage nag aalaga saken.. Demn it.. Thanks for still accepting me, for the fact that i always hurt your friend.. I'm talking about josh here..

So anyways, Basta.. Lage kang andito sa heart ko.. Miss na kita.. Super.. Promise..

Sorry minsan kung medyo bratty and maldita ako.. Niyahaha... tanggap mo naman ako diba? wahaha.. Thanks for being my pakner in crime.. He he.. Thanks din sa pag boca kay josh.. Tigas kasi ng ulo nun e.. Thanks for always listening to me.. Kahet paulet ulet na lahat ng sinasabi ko.. He he..

I promise to ALWAYS be here whenever you need me and if u don't i'll still be here..

I love you bebe gel..

Mwahh...

RUSSEL VICTORINO- Another ex. Such a nice guy, sweet and lovable.. We started as barkada.. Next to lovers and end up being friends again..

**SPECIAL MESSAGE**

Hey.. Musta ka na? Miss ka na namin dito ha?

Sorry din ha? If our end wasn't that good.. Are you still keeping the letter? It's ok if u don't. I know you wouldn't have the chance to read this.. But i still hope that you could.

So anyways, i heard that you're in Canada now.. Demn.. Di ka nag paalam sakin.. But it's all good homie.. :) Basta miss ka na din namin dito..

For sure, it will take a long time before we'll see each other again.. Or maybe we wouldn't have the chance.. Basta ha? Balitaan mo lang ako pag andito ka sa Philz..

Thanks for being nice to me.

I miss you..

~THIS STILL HAS A NEXT PART.

2006-11-04T22:46:00.000-08:00

SEMBREAK

Oct.30.06

We went to granny's house at Tuding. We're going to spend our vacation there... Hayy.. Relaxing.. A perfect place for reminiscing. I miss that place anyways, dun kasi ginaganap mga house parties namin e.. I miss my friends.

Nov.01.06

We were supposed to drink today.. Wala lang, trip lang namin.. Planado na nga lahat e.. Kaso sumablay paren.. Sila mama kasi e, pupunta daw sila sa tuding.. kaya di na kami natuloy..

Umuwi kami kagad ng kuya ko after mag txt ni mama, but this time kasama na namin si Angel pabalik sa Tuding. Hinihintay namin sila mama na dumating e, but ang tagal tagal nila.. Then bigla nalang tinext ni mama na di na daw sila tuloy.. Haaaayyy.. Nakakainis.. Tinuloy nalang sana namin..

Nag plan nalang kami na pumunta sa house nila Angel.. Si tita kasi e, pinipilit niya ako pumunta dun.. Birthday kasi ng dad ni angel.. So aun, nag meet muna kami nila Tope sa SM.. Sobrang na OP na ako sa kuya ko and kay Angel.. Demn.. Ang sweet nila! WALA AKONG PARTNER... Huhu..,

Bumili muna kami ng shoes ni Angel and ng cake for her dad, tas nag taxi na papunta sa house nila Angel. Habang andun, pinanood namin un THE EXORCIST. Un kasi plinay ni Angel e.. Demn, gulat na gulat ako.. Buti nalang andun si Tope.. ha ha.. beshii ko..

Nag picture picture pa kami dun. Naenjoy ko yun ha.. Ha ha. Ang saya.. PROMISE! Tas, nag subuan pa kami ng cake ni tope.. Kasi wala akong partner and wala din yung partner niya.. but take note.. we only do that b'coz we're beshii's.. NO MALICE PLEASE?!!

DEMN U LEY!!! Ya tryin' ta fool me.. Punyeta ka! di mo kilala niloko mo.. Betta watch ya back asshole?! akala mo naman ang wapu wapu mo.. YUCK!! muka kang S.D.G!!!!!!! Bullxhet!!!! Ah got ma' homiez out dea' huntin ya foo! mag sama kau ng bitch mo.. di hamak naman na mas panalo ako dun.. demn you!!!!

Nov.02.06

We went to Virac, at my other Lola's place. Birthday niya ulit.. Demn.. 2 days straight na akong kumakain ng marami.. I FEEL SO FAT!! I played with my lil' cuz and watched 'The Devil Wears Prada". My uncle keeps on teasing me that, that move suits my attitude.. The make up, the fashion.. Demn! ha ha.. Am i really like that?

Then after some hours, other more relatives came.. My tita's keep on teasing me that i'm already a grown up.. Nagulat nga sila saken e.. Sobrang gurlush ko na daw..

They was with another relative on their other side.. They kept teasing me on him.. And they keep insisting to take a picture of me.. Demn.. I hate it!!

Nov.03.06

Angel and i planned to meet. Last day na niya dito e.. Am gonna miss her for sure.. Kasama namin si tope.. Then nakasalubong namin si Josh.. Sinamahan namin siya mag sangla ng phone, kc ala daw siyang snaps.. Then, pumunta kami sa Irisan.. Nag swimming kasi mga tropa namin e.. Sumunod lang kami..

La pa nga kaming damit ni Angel e.. Wala naman kasin kaming plano na mag s-swimming. Pag dating dun, si Jarmaine and Ardene wasted na.. Grabe, ang kukulit nila.. Pinahiraman ako ni Beshii ng damet.. Ha ha.. Enjoy nga e.. Dinala niya pa ako sa 6 ft.. darn it beshii!! Buhat niya ako sa water.. ha ha.. Nahihilo na nga ako nun e.. nakainom na din kasi ako..

Enjoy talaga.. Namimiss ko na sila :( haii..

Nov.04.06

Nag stay lang ako sa house..

Nov.05.06

Eto.. Nag k-kwento sainyo.. :)

Have a nice day. Mwa.

2006-10-01T00:12:00.000-07:00

OCTOBER NA!!

Well, wala lang.. October na pala.. ::sigh:: tagal ko na palang wlanag boyfiee.. **ngeqs... Ha ha.. La lang.. Napansin ko lang kasi.. Di ren naman ako nag hahanap.. Tagal lang talaga kasi dumating ni Mr. Right..

Anyways, nothing much for today.. Except for natulog lang ako ng 1 or 2 AM.. Ha ha.. We went to Nevada kagabe.. Sa may Cribs.. Yeah?! Ha ha.. Nag enjoy talaga ako.. Ha ha.. I danced like as if no one's watching.. Ha ha.. I even saw my kuya there.. Enjoy nga e.. I was with lots of ate's and kuya's.. They were so kind.. [Thanks guys.. ha ha.. ngaun ko lang ulet na enjoy buhay ko.. ]

Pero promise.. Masaya talaga...

And i think.. I'm starting to like someone again.. But It's not right.. he's older than me.. And someone likes him.. before i did.. And wlang tablahan.. Di naman din niya ako magugustuhan e.. ::sigh:: ..

2006-09-22T04:14:00.000-07:00

Why is he so fucking dumb to see that i'm getting hurt of what he's doin? Can't i have this thing called bullxhit privacy? Nanahimik naman na ako ha? And never ko naman siyang pinakealaman nung wala na kami.. I really wanted to scream and shout at him.. I wanna slap him for what he's doin?! But heck! How can i? If all i have is this tought and feeling that i still love him..

It's so painful to hear that everything came from him.. Everyone's blaming me for his demn change.. Di manlang neia isipin na nasasaktan din ako. Di lang naman ako yung nanakit nung kami ha? Pati din naman siya diba? May kasalanan naman din siya kung ba't kami nag break diba? Ba't siiya ganun? I'm so fucking tired of it!!

2006-09-17T02:16:00.000-07:00

My post for [o9.15.o6]

Craving for love...

Each day i wake up, i always wish that within that day.. They would appreciate what i will do for that day.. Each and everytime that i achieve something, i never saw them smile and be proud of me. I never felt that i have been loved in this family.. I never felt that they're proud of me.. I've been hidding this burden since i became aware of things that have been happening around me. I also have this mindset that maybe, they're just busy.. Maybe because, i still have my younger brothers that's why the attention isn't focused on me.. But heck?! Until when? Until when will i wait for my time to come?

After taking a bath, i dressed up myself quickly. My mom was shouting at me.. She was telling me that i never helped her in doing some chores in house, heck?! Why is that? I always take her place everytime she's not home.. I got pissed and answered her back.. I was really mad that time and very unconscious of what was happening to me.

I got my bag and went outside, as i got out.. My brother slapped the back of my head.. I tried to fight back and scratched the left side of his face.. He faught back and slapped my face for several times.. My younger brother tried to stop him by giving him a smack.. But my mother stopped him before he can give a punch, i felt something flowing out of my nose.. I tried wipping it and to my surprise, i saw blood dripping from my hand and nose.. I screamed and screamed without saying anything.. i was really scared..

I was craving for love.. I always craved for love.. I am still craving for love..

2006-09-14T03:36:00.000-07:00

Being Perfect in a Fucked up Way..

Everything's fucked up?! Perfectly fucked up.. I cant blame anyone why this is happening.. And i don't really know how it started.. It was like a bomb that exploded. I didn't really mean to hurt anyone of them.. And even her, i didn't really wanted to speak out everything that she said, but she has no right to do that to others.. I really wanted to cry for what is happening in school.. I don't know where to run and cry.?!

Should i still trust her? Should i avoid her? Should we still be friends? I don't know what to do.. I wanted her to change.. I wanted her to be sorry for what've she done, but i think i made the wrong move. I'm sorry guys. :(

IM SORRY!!

Everybody says that it isn't my fault. But i feel so bad for what's happening.. I don't know what move should i make to fix things..

I need help?!

2006-09-12T03:41:00.000-07:00

Ugh... Why does this all happens to me? I thought she was my friend? I tought she was nice.. I thought she was good.. But heck?! She's a backstabber?! I knew it, she was only making bad stories about my friends, my schoolmates and even my teachers.. They were so good to me.. I wish i didn't believe in her.. We were really good as bestfriends.. Everything's close to perfect.. not knowing that she's stabbing me at the back.. Siya lang pala sisira saken.. Siya lang pala.. Well, i can't do anything about it anyways, she'd already done it.. And all that i can do is to fix it.. I already started acting cold to her.. It's her fault why everything flows this way..

Anyways, we had out taekwondo ultra practice a while ago.. I was so tired.. Ha ha.. I didn't do great but not that bad also.. It was tiring but i enjoyed it. :)

And then, after we got dismissed, we went to porta vaga.. And bought beads...

*sigh* what wrong with her? I was so good to her..

2006-09-06T04:16:00.001-07:00

My card was released a while ago..

Here's the results..

English..........90
Literature..........83
Math A..........87
Math B..........81
Science..........95
Social studies..........92
Filipino..........86
MAPEH..........87
TLE..........86

It wasn't bad at all.. It was worth the effort.. Ha ha..

We already met the new Filipino teacher.. And guess what? She was so horrible!! Sheeesh!! I don't like her.. She doesn't allow us to speak in English? What the eff?!

2006-09-06T04:16:00.000-07:00

2006-09-03T04:02:00.001-07:00

Buwan ng Wika [my post for August 31]

Nothing's special for that day.. Except for Brander, Ace and i sang torete while singing harana.. ? Ha ha.. Gets niyo? Grabe.. Nanginginig kaya ako sa stage.. Got no gutts to act as someone's girlfriend in front of random people..

Then, after that.. We had our cookfest.. It was fun.. Because i learned how to cook another Filipino food. It's really a disadvantage for me not to know how to cook.. The food was called palitaw. Who knows that? Ha ha.. I boiled it in a frying pan... That's weird. but that's the way it is..

I'll post some pictures next time. :P

Tc guys. Mwah..

2006-08-30T03:07:00.000-07:00

Finally, Cj and i had aleady talked about some stuffs that are needed to be cleared. Iv'e been so happy this past few days. Things are flowing so calmly now, and i'm really happy for it.

Atlast, i already know how to handle my problems.. And i'm proud of myself for being so strong during those tough times.

Maybe, i'm already a new person now.. But still i'm the same old Liezel that everybody knew.

So anyways.. Today, we had our sport's fest.. And luckily, our team won. BLUE TEAM!!!! Yeah?! All of us we're tired. But still, we cleaned the playground. Then after that we had our practice for the presentation tomorrow for the "Buwan ng Wika". Were going to act and sing tomorrow.. Shocks?! Really nervous!!!

MY POST FOR AUGUST 28..

I skipped classes and went to UB to watch the intramurals.. It was nice. Iba pala feeling pag andun ka na nanonood kesa sa sumasayaw ka. Nakakamiss...

Joshua was still a cheer dancer.. Same with my other ka-barkadas. I had time tio jam with them in the afternoon, after the intramurals. I enjoyed my day so much..

Laurice gave me a picture of Marc. He was so cute in that picture. Ha ha... Kidding. But hafta meant. We've been a lil' bit close with Marc.. He was so kulet when we were together. He accompanied me to go to my school and fetch my brothers.

He was kulit and talkative.. Ha ha.. Super!!!

:P

I think am falling..

2006-08-26T01:58:00.000-07:00

Atlast..

At 8 o'clock, i texted my friends if we could go out and stroll at town since i we haven't seen each other for weeks. They said yes and we agreed to meet at my old school, UB at 12:30 noon to have our lunch.

At 12 o'clock, i was already done preparing myself. I waited for a cab and went to our rendezvous. I got late for 5 minutes, to find out that my friends aren't there yet.

"Uy san na kau?" I texted Laurice.

"Dito palang kami assumption." She replied.

"Ah. Cge, wait ko nalang kayo dito." I responded.

I was really excited to see them. They became my friends last school year. They were the pinaka-kalog friends that i ever met. I missed them so much.

They arrived after 10 minutes.

"Uy! Uy! Uy!" Laurice and Grace shouted.

"Uy! Musta?" I asked.

We started to walk in the campus and roam around. I accompanied them to their classroom for their head to be measured for their headgears this coming Monday.

We talked and talked while waiting for the head measuring start. There were really lots of new students in UB, i see. And Laurice and Grace was still telling me funny stories about this school year in UB. I really miss my Alma Matter.. (last year *sigh*) We were waiting for about 30 minutes, but the measuring didn't start yet. My other old classmates and other friends came, they smiled and checked out what's new in me. They said that nothing's changed. (Yeah?! Am still the same old Liezel that they met)

"Ay Mark! Ito si Liezel." Laurice said to a guy at my back.

"Huh?" The guy asked.

"Si Liezel! Tas, Liezel si Mark!" Laurice introduced.

I turned my head back and see who was i being introduced to. There was JM and Walter, my former classmates and ka-barkadas in my other barkada. They were with a guy wearing green, jeans and sandugo slippers (i hope you get the image), he wasn't baduy at all. Honestly, he's cute.

I didn't look at him so long. I immediately turned my head and talked to Laurice and Grace again. Other's went like "Hi zhel!" or "Hello *hug*" or "Lizzy! San ka na nag aaral?".. Me, myself can see that they miss me, KAPAL?! ha ha.

"Oi Hi daw!" Laurice said.

"Ay?! Sorry." I turned back and waived hi too.

The measuring started, i went at the side so that i won't distract all of the one's who are in line. JM went near me and talked to me. I started to ask and ask questions. Mark also asked me few questions which are nonsense [i think?!], while i was talking with JM.

"Are you an ilocana?" Mark asked.

I stopped talking with JM for a while and said. "I can understand and speak a bit." Then talked with JM again.

"Nag sexii ka." He quote and quote epally said.

I stopped talking once again and made the peace sign in front of his face and said "Psssss!"

I think he got pissed off and he kept on repeating what i did. But i just ignored him and went back chatting with JM. JM said that he wanted to come with us to our lunch date. Is said sure, he could come, since i missed him too.

It took them 2 hours before they got finished. It was already 2 o'clock, and JM wasn't yet finish. He said we could go ahead. And he would make it up to me next time. And like what he said, we went ahead.

We ate at UB square, and went to Kesho afterwards. After that, we saw JM at the stairs and waited for him to get near us.

"San ka uuwi?" I asked.

"Aurora Hill." He answered.

"Sa baba ka mag hihintay ng sasakyan diba?"

"Oo."

"Sabay tau ha?" I said.

"Ok." He agreed.

After parting ways, JM and i walking down Gen. Luna St.

"Gusto ka ng kasama ko eh." Jm surprisingly said.

"Ha?"

"Gusto ka ni Mark!" he repeated.

"Ah ok. Honestly, he's cute." I carelessly said.

He also told me that she has no girlfriend. And he's letting JM ask me if he could court me. I can't believe that he likes me too. Yeah, honestly, i like him too.

I'd finally move on. It was sooner than i thought.

2006-08-24T01:17:00.000-07:00

Colorful Shades of Gray

Moths are very ugly creatures. At least that is what I always thought until a reliable source told me otherwise. When I was about five or six years old, my brother Joseph and I stayed overnight at our Aunt Linda’s house, our favorite relative. She spoke to us like adults, and she always had the best stories.

Joseph was only four years old, and still afraid of the dark, so Aunt Linda left the door open and the hall light on when she tucked us in to bed. Joe couldn’t sleep, so he just lay there staring at the ceiling. Just as I dozed off to sleep, he woke me up and asked, “Jennie, what are those ugly things near the light?”(I had always liked that he asked me questions because I was older and supposed to know the answers. I didn’t always know the answers, of course, but I could always pretend I did.) He was pointing to the moths fluttering around the hall light. “They’re just moths, go to sleep,” I told him.

He wasn’t content with that answer, or the moths near his night light, so the next time my Aunt walked by the door he asked her to make the ugly moths go away. When she asked why, he said simply, “Because they’re ugly and scary, and I don’t like them! ”She just laughed, rubbed his head, and said, “Joe just because something is ugly outside doesn’t mean it’s not beautiful inside. Do you know why moths are brown?” Joe just shook his head.

“Moths are the most beautiful animals in the animal kingdom. At one time they were more colorful than the butterflies. They have always been helpful, kind, and generous creatures. One day the angels up in heaven were crying. They were sad because it was cloudy and they couldn’t look down upon the people on earth. Their tears fell down to the earth as rain. The sweet little moths hated to see everyone so sad. They decided to make a rainbow. The moths figured that if they asked their cousins, the butterflies, to help, they could all give up just a little bit of their colors and they could make a beautiful rainbow.

One of the littlest moths flew to ask the queen of the butterflies for help. The butterflies were too vain and selfish to give up any of their colors for neither the people nor the angels. So, the moths decided to try to make the rainbow themselves. They beat their wings very hard and the powder on them formed little clouds that the winds smoothed over like glass. Unfortunately, the rainbow wasn’t big enough so the moths kept giving a little more and a little more until the rainbow stretched all the way across the sky. They had given away all their color except brown, which didn’t fit into their beautiful rainbow.

Now the once colorful moths were plain and brown. The angels up in heaven saw the rainbow, and became joyous. They smiled and the warmth of their smiles shown down on the earth as sunshine. The warm sunshine made the people on earth happy and they smiled, too. Now every time it rains the baby moths, who still have their colors, spread them across the sky to make more rainbows.”

My brother sank off to sleep with that story and hasn’t feared moths since. The story my aunt told us had been gathering dust in the back corners of my brain for years, but recently came back to me.

I have a friend named Abigail who always wears gray clothes. She is also one of the most kind and generous people I’ve ever met. When people ask her why she doesn’t wear more colors she just smiles, that smile, and says, “Gray is my color.” She knows herself and she doesn’t compromise that to appease other people. Some may see her as plain like a moth, but I know that underneath the gray, Abigail is every color of the rainbow.

By Jennie Grattonfrom Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul III